Eleanor Blair (lnr) wrote,
Eleanor Blair
lnr

rain

My god it's pretty out there. It's still raining hard, but just after the strongest downpour and the light had flooded back into the sky and all the trees are covered in little jewel-like droplets.

I seem to be in a state of confusion at the moment. Worried that Jan thinks that because I'm falling for August that means I won't want to spent time with her any more, which I do. Worried that she feels she can't see him as well if she wants too, which would be silly when there's clearly so much attraction between them too. Worried that while I *think* they should just go ahead and have fun, or more than just fun even, I won't necessarily *feel* it, and about how unfair that is on everyone. Worried that Richard is unhappy, and that I might be making him feel worse, directly or indirectly, even though he tries to reassure me I'm not (and seems genuinely happy for me). Wondering if August is coping OK with it all, and if he minds if I want to tell the world. And at the same time as all this angst still feeling utterly blessed to have 3 such lovely people all care about me so much, and to care about them in return.

I love you guys, each in your different ways. And the combination of brightness and beauty and rain seems to suit the way I feel.
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