Eleanor Blair (lnr) wrote,
Eleanor Blair


My god it's pretty out there. It's still raining hard, but just after the strongest downpour and the light had flooded back into the sky and all the trees are covered in little jewel-like droplets.

I seem to be in a state of confusion at the moment. Worried that Jan thinks that because I'm falling for August that means I won't want to spent time with her any more, which I do. Worried that she feels she can't see him as well if she wants too, which would be silly when there's clearly so much attraction between them too. Worried that while I *think* they should just go ahead and have fun, or more than just fun even, I won't necessarily *feel* it, and about how unfair that is on everyone. Worried that Richard is unhappy, and that I might be making him feel worse, directly or indirectly, even though he tries to reassure me I'm not (and seems genuinely happy for me). Wondering if August is coping OK with it all, and if he minds if I want to tell the world. And at the same time as all this angst still feeling utterly blessed to have 3 such lovely people all care about me so much, and to care about them in return.

I love you guys, each in your different ways. And the combination of brightness and beauty and rain seems to suit the way I feel.

  • Toaster tales, part two

    So I went into the office by the front door for a change on Wednesday, and Lily on reception called me over to let me know the person I'd given the…

  • Happy Easter

    This had become a bit of a state-of-the-Matthew blog, rather than strictly a journal about Me, but I guess a lot of the time that pretty much…

  • Stair gates and plaster

    Deliberately bought a stair gate for upstairs which the manufacturer claims can be used by just attaching the wall cups to the wall with the…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.