Eleanor Blair (lnr) wrote,
Eleanor Blair


So-so driving lesson this morning. The week's stresses seemed to be getting at me somewhat and I didn't drive very well really. Got the reversing round the corner perfect after 3 disastrous attempts though. More lessons booked for next Wednesday and the one after, hopefully I can calm down by then and have a more relaxed drive. Out of town seemed to be mostly pretty OK though, and the A14 wasn't too horrible. Hate the car though: glance at the blindspot over your right shoulder and the blind spot is *all* you can see in the direction, it's really disconcerting when I've been used to a bike.

Weight update didn't get done last night, so I'll wibble about it here and that entry can just be the graphs. I really knew I'd had a bad week, and I do still suspect the loss last week was at least partly only dehydration and a small lunch rather than real loss, IYSWIM. So this week I've put half a stone back on, meaning I'm now a whole stone away from my target again. Definitely chubbier around the tummy again too which is annoying.

Feeling frustrated with the whole thing to some extent: being shattered in the mornings at the moment I'm just not finding the time or energy to make lunch to take in, and feeling like I can't be arsed to go into town either I've been eating junk food instead. Feeling a bit like I'm stuck in a straitjacket eating-wise for the rest of my life if I don't want to just get fat again, which is demoralising, but I know it won't be quite this bad once I'm actually there. Feel a bit like Bev has just been assuming that I know what I'm doing since I've been doing well for so long, whereas really because now is the first time I've really struggle now is when I feel like I need the help most.

Determined to get back on track now though: don't want to feel like all my clothes are too tight again, and I gave away all the big ones so I can't just quietly go back up a size and pretend it's not happening. Going to try and be positive about it, because it *is* worth it, and when it's going well it's not really that hard to do or that much of a sacrifice.

Nearly the weekend now anyway, and looking forward to a break. (And a longer one next weekend too since I've booked next Friday off). Doesn't seem to be much going on on Saturday, so I think I'll throw a smallish party. Not a soireé though, we don't have the nibbles and the posh drinks for it. Um. Should try introduce Ross to August and see if those two and Colin fancy setting up a scots geek enclave, since all 3 of them could do with somewhere a bit closer to town. A lot in August's case, if he doesn't want to commute from Edinburgh: apparently he has 3 flats lined up to view today though.
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