Eleanor Blair (lnr) wrote,
Eleanor Blair
lnr

A sort of summary

Anyone who's been reading on and off, or only recently, might be wondering how stuff came to be how it is and so on, so I figured it was a good time, towards the end of the year, to try and sum it up a bit.

I guess it starts with the fact that Richard was uncomfortable being completely monogamous. He was willing to do it for my sake, but it did make him unhappy. And he did sometimes find it very hard to resist temptation. So we figured it would probably do no harm to have a more open relationship, and if it made me more unhappy than being faithful was making him then we could go back. So far while it's hard it's not awful, and it has its compensations.

Vicky and Richard realised they fancied each other at just about the time this was going on, and ended up seeing each other as a result.

Jan and I have been very fond of each other for a long time, and all that was keeping us from being more than just friends was the fact that while Richard would have been perfectly OK with me seeing her too I didn't feel that it was right if he wasn't also allowed to see other people. At some point Jan put two and two together and asked me out and I said yes.

Yes, this does mean I'm bisexual. And the fact I happen to have two partners one male and one female is just a coincidence. I've been bi for a long time, despite being in a monogamous relationship with a man. I don't think the mere fact that I fancy women as well as men means I need to sleep with both all the time. I mean I fancy the occasional film star too, and I don't think that means I have to sleep with one of them.

I'd probably happily go back to a more traditional closed relationship if it could be done without hurting people and it was what Richard wanted too. For the meantime it doesn't seem to be hurting me too much, there's good things about it as well as bad, and I'm willing to keep working at it. Because being happy with Richard is what's most important to me.

Of course some of this has probably contributed to the depression I've been suffering, but I think more of that is related to the problems I've had at work and with Richard being out of a job for so long. But it does explain why I found it so hard when Jan and Vicky fell out. It's hard to be cross at someone for just how much you can see they're upsetting your girlfriend and at the same time try to bear in mind your boyfriend's feelings too, and how seeing the thing from the other side makes him feel. Thank goodness for uneasy truces anyway.

And that's more or less where I am now. And if anyone wants to comment they can, here or in person.
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