Eleanor Blair (lnr) wrote,
Eleanor Blair

  • Mood:

I should not make this a common excursion

But for once it's nice to treat oneself:

Mozarella and tomato salad
. o O 0 O o .
Siciliana pizza (ham, olives, artichokes, anchovies)
. o O 0 O o .
Banoffee pie with vanilla icecream
. o O 0 O o .
Double espresso

Mmmm. And post-pizza involved watching a mad game I've already forgotten the name of while I crocheted, then playing a round of knockout whist. Nice. And we listened to the new BRMC (now lent to Mike) in time for tomorrow's gig. I think on balance I like it. But I'm earwormed with the Muse that Clare put on to follow it.

Yesterday I played games too: Bridge at GR and nethack at home. And had a nice Sunday lunch and couple of pints at the Carlton. Mmm beer. Digestive system copes, with the aid of indigestion tablets. Saturday night I stayed home and watched Bride and Prejudice from the comfort of my blanket on the sofa. I missed a nice party, and Rachel at the Kambar, but it was a nice way to spend the evening, even if I started quite late. Weekend in reverse order, how confusing.

Mood is up and down, still struggling with this broken heart thing. Can't work out if being around Mike is good or bad for it really. Perhaps should take Tom's advice and send him off to an Eastern European country with no mobile or internet for a couple of months, give me time to get a grip. Reminded all too harshly of 10 years ago, and being on the other side of the equation, with a lot more blame. Christmas 1994, long long before it all went wrong. Pictures slowly lose their grip on you. I can look at this now and smile, and wish it were a better picture. I have lovely ones of Matthew and of people I'm still in touch with like Tom and David, all of which remind me of good times. And the one of me and August grinning at the 2003 beerfest, before the world fell apart is lovely, and makes me happy now not sad. Things will get easier I know. But right now photos of you only make me cry, and though being with you makes me smile for a while it wears off quickly and feels worse after.

Tags: life, love

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