February 13th, 2004

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What a morning

Worked from home yesterday due to being completely struggling to stay awake in the office the last few days, and hoping I'd get more done at home, or at least feel less bad when not working. This did not work well in practice though and I spent most of the day at least, was even less productive, and still felt bad about it. So back in the office today.

Only first I had to get up (hard enough), wade through angst on LJ, and get ready to go. At which point I realised my wallet was missing. Looked everywhere, no sign. Double-checked bank and credit card accounts online to make sure no odd transactions had gone through, and then thought to ring the Carlton, since that was the last place I'd definitely had it. And lo and behold it appeared, tucked behind a pipe by the wall in the pub. So very late I did at least manage to rescue it on the way in and not have to panic more and cancel everything.

And now though I was in late I've already got more done than any other day this week so far, but still feel terrible. I should go talk to James, but I'm scared.
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Sort-of progress

Haven't talked to James, but have talked to Caroline. Admittedly it was at her instigation not mine, after realising yesterday that some of the routine stuff was beginning to get neglected. But we've at least talked a bit about how to make sure that if I'm not in a state to do it that this is clear so that it can get done by someone else instead of just getting left. We also talked about the fact that it's not going to be an easy process, and that I'm not just going to be better some time soon, and the conversation has reassured me a bit that even if it is a long-term process they're still keen to try and get me there. For the time being, anyway.

I don't feel like I deserve it in a lot of ways. And I'm feeling a bit drained now, and still tired. But it's still all a bit better than yesterday.