October 12th, 2003



Spoke to my mum on the phone this evening. I'd been kind of avoiding ringing her because I didn't really want to talk. It ended up being a pretty miserable conversation. I find it hard enough to write about things when they're bad, let alone try and explain to my mum. Shall talk to Paul at work on Monday anyway (thanks for the comments BTW, and sorry for not replying), see if I can bully myself into doing a little better. Time to make the next appointment with the nice Dr Perry too. The pills don't seem to be helping much at the moment if I can still feel this bad. Mum was also suggesting I give the university's staff counsellor another try as well, it's ages since I last tried it, and while she didn't think there was any need to see me on an ongoing basis then she did say to come back if things were still bad.

I don't know if I can even put a finger on why I'm so miserable, some of it is feeling useless at work, but I know that some of that at least is effect and not cause. I'm tired and tired and tired of my friends falling out around me though. I hate it.

Anyway, Richard held me tight until I was feeling a bit better, and we're going to spend the rest of the evening watching Assassin(s?) on C5 on the telly which will be nice.