July 10th, 2003


meaty goodness

Very small uk.misc meet in Nodnol, consisting of me, Huge, Pidge, MI5 Mike and Pidge's baby brother (2 years older than me). Pleasant little gathering. Drank too much, was accused of being both glamorous and a lesbian and told off for not bringing any porn along with me. Slightly maudlin on train home but could have been worse. Spent the 15 mins while waiting at KX for the train home playing with my new poi, and despite getting tied in knots even managed to apparently impress a couple of guys. Cool. Must be bedtime now though.

[private] - erm, not any more

Don't like to do this, but public face of me has to be seen to be OK. For Richard's sake and August's sake: neither of them want to know I'm hurt, and for Jan's because it's not fair to talk to her about this stuff and ask her not to talk to August. So out there I'm *not* going to talk about still being in love. I'm not going to talk about missing him horribly. If this is going to work at all it has to be a clean break, and he has to believe I have no doubts. So when I do (and oh god I do) they'll be here, tagged and to a small friends group. If you don't want to read them let me know. Those three can't read this.

Pub tonight. Time to learn whether I can make small talk in public. I'm going to try and keep this sort of post to a minimum though, and try to keep the thoughts that go with it to a minimum too, because I don't think it'll do me much good to dwell on things I can't change, and to keep on nursing a love that might be better to just die so the whole thing can go away.

[NB, much later, oh fuck it, I ended up talking to them all anyway, and I don't like having non-public entries, so this one is now world-readable]


Words with boss today about lack of work and short hours lately. All fair, but still a bit tough to deal with. Somewhat more productive afternoon than usual as a result: a bit of webpage hacking about, a bit of perl geeking, could have done more of both. Need to talk to Paul about whatever it is he's got for me to do anyway, and John's taking over some of my current to-do list instead. Seem to have got the minesweeper habit down to a sensible amount anyway, dropped a couple of newsgroups (though not the highish volume ones I actually read all the time, so that might not help much). Must try read less/no LJ from work too maybe, that's harder, but might be more doable in future once I get used to the idea. Need to start getting in earlier again, so have set my phone with a "leave the house now" alarm for 9am.

Planning on skipping class today and probably going straight to pub. I doubt I shall stay late though as I am shattered. Pub lunch with work tomorrow too which should be nice. Must try not to let myself use feeling down as too much of an excuse for eating any shit I like though, or at least not for too many days. Wow, loads of butterflies out there today. They're such pretty things. I think they're mostly red admirals, but they're moving to fast to be sure.

As for interesting and unusual interests, I don't seem to have any. Says a lot about me maybe :-)

Well that could have been better

Nice dinner, nice poi, nice cider, nice company, miserable rjk, home. Oh well, probably need an early night. Geek for a bit, icecream, now I think Harry Potter and a cool bath, because it be too fucking hot in here. (Two computers and CRTs does not a nice cool room make, even with a fan on and the window open).


Well, I've now dyed my hair again (wait and see). I've also unplugged the reset switch from my computer having accidentally hit it with the keyboard for the third time in a week. It's strange, hadn't done it in months before that. Damned thing is a bastard in that getting the front panel off and back on again is a complete pig, plus it doesn't like being completely powered down. Must have been turned off and back on again a good 20 or more times before it actually bothered to boot. And we have no clue why. This is one of the reasons I just never turn it off. RJK now nagging me to upgrade to ext3 so I don't have to watch it fsck every time it crashes, but I can't be bothered and he has permission to be smug at me next time. Not that it takes all that long anyway, since I don't have vast swathes of disk.