June 3rd, 2003



Feel like no-one bothers to tell me anything any more. I suppose I did find out rjk was supposed to be seeing August tonight before it got cancelled again (rjk ill this time) but only incidentally in him mentioning it to the whole channel. And August hadn't said a thing either. Maybe one of them will mention it next time.


Lovely evening round at Jan's. Sion and Simes disappeared upstairs for a massage and we promised utterly unfaithfully not to giggle at them, but in fact spent the evening holding hands on the sofa and talking. It's just so good to actually *talk* to someone for a change. To say what I'm feeling and for them to talk about what's bothering them. And god knows if there are any solutions to any of it but I feel so much better for it. So thanks love.

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So that's kind of how I've been feeling today. It's lifted a bit now, and I hope in feeling hurt earlier that I didn't manage to hurt August. I've deliberately written this entry without reading anything from anyone else in response to mail or my earlier entry this evening. I think I've spent too long not saying *anything* because I don't want to hurt people.