May 1st, 2003


MSc worries

In need of inspiration. Trying to get my arse in gear wrt MSc, but still have not the foggiest what I want to do. Mail project co-ordinator and ask if it's possible to have some examples, to give me a clue what to do. They ask what area I'm looking to work in, I say I don't know yet and was hoping examples would inspire me, response: "We expect students to meet us halfway: please define a subject area and we can move forward". Thankyou *so* much. That really really helps.

And they seem happy to ignore the fact they've been completely forgetting I exist. I only officially deferred my course until the beginning of February and no-one has contacted me since then. And they haven't answered my other question, which was to ask if it's possible to defer any further or if September is my last possible deadline to get this degree.

I don't know if I can do this right now, but I feel like I have to.

Update: Phew. Apparently they were assuming since I didn't contact them in Feb that I wanted to continue intermitting. Dunno why they didn't *ask* but there we go. I can apparently re-register in September and start a project then, hand in in March and graduate next year. It makes it an awfully long way off before I actually get a degree, but at least I would get one, which I might not if I tried to struggle my way on at the moment. I'm not going to just let myself forget about it completely until then though. I've asked again if they can just manage a list of past project titles, so we'll see what goes from there. Thanks for the support guys.

School thoughts and LJ wibbles

*giggle* the recent meme on what you were doing n years ago has led to an irc channel full of geeks all enumerating the names of their teachers through school. No-one's going to be at all interested in what the answer is, it's the process of trying to remember that's even vaguely interesting. Seeing where the gaps are and wondering why. In my case I can remember the ones from age 7-11 but not from before then, but I don't remember much from my infant school days really so I think that's just where the limits of my memory are in general.

Of course you also get the confusion of different school systems around the country. How was I supposed to know that junior school in Bournemouth is only 3 years instead of the 4 I had in east Leeds? Given people move around a lot surely it would be simpler to do things more similarly across the country?

I remember a very similar meme going round a bit ago, and figured I'd try and find it. Looking at my journal a month at a time by subject though really does show just how uninformative my subjects often are. I wonder if I should just make more effort to use them in future, or go back and add ones to past entries. Perhaps a project for a rainy day if I get bored. And friends only stuff. I can see which entries from a long while back are locked. I could go back and unlock nearly all of them probably, and that's another thing for a rainy day. But I remember when I was first playing with friends groups I wrote some very TMI stuff for just me and rjk, which I'd probably not have posted out loud to the whole world. Thing is I've since deleted the friends group in question. Wonder what happens when you do that, can only I read it now?

Update: Oddly it seems I'd only ever made about 20 entries (of a total 389) which were locked anyway. Now all unlocked, though I've left notes on them which show which ones used to have more security. And the rjk TMI was less TMI than I remembered. I was obviously just more coy back then or something.
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Aha, found the previous similar meme:

To add to it:

Yesterday: I took the day off on holiday because I couldn't face work, had a pleasant but quiet day.

Today: feeling low, but not too bad, looking foward to the pub, trying to keep on keeping on. Must remember to vote.

Tomorrow: work and the first leg of Jan's party. And the weekend, at last.

Jealousy and confusion

I don't understand myself sometimes. A couple of weeks ago I was jealous at the thought of Jan and August being together. By the weekend it had evaporated and all I wanted to do was get Jan to realise he did love her. Now maybe she does realise it, and I'm feeling jealous again. What do I lose? Nothing. I was having a lovely evening yesterday just as much as anyone else. August doesn't stop loving me. What do I gain? Hopefully she's happier, which has been all I've wanted for days. And I still feel horrible. I don't want to change anything though, I know it's something I can work through and get over again. I just want to give myself a slap in the meantime for being so bloody daft.

I'm more worried that Jan doesn't seem to want to talk to me though, and I can't put any of that into words here somehow.

Update: I am in fact even more of a daft thing than I thought I was. It wasn't that Jan didn't want to talk about something, just that we'd talked a bit on irc and she hadn't realised how upset I still was by it (since I hadn't actually made it clear), so didn't realise I still wanted to talk. I am a fool. But at least now that's out in the air it's a huge weight off my mind, although I feel bad for making such a mess of sorting it out at least it *is* sorted. And I feel *so* much better I wonder how much of the feeling horrible was jealousy at all. Because suddenly I don't mind at all again. Oh I *really* don't understand me at all.
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