February 6th, 2003



Things I have done this week:

  • Tried to get hold of accommodation for Whitby in November, using Google and by ringing and mailing people
  • Ordered a copy of my BA certificate from Oxford, having never got round to it before
  • Rung Hertford and got them to send me the forms for my MA
  • ordered new ink cartridges for the printer
  • ordered new hairdye for myself, and a random gift for a friend, but tried to avoid spending much otherwise
  • Moved some money from my current account to savings account, and contacted the latter about an error at their end
  • changed my standing order into the joint account to reflect the fact rjk's now earning again and can contribute a larger amount again
  • arranged to pay off my last credit card in full each month by direct debit, so now I can't get into real debt on any of them
  • ordered a replacement recycling box from the council for the one that blew away or was stolen
  • lots of washing and tidying and washing up, plus sorted through my clothes to remove all the ones I never wear or which won't fit
  • More or less kept up with stuff at work, with some pretty good rearguard action against some nasty spamming tactics

So what I can't work out is why I still feel so useless and unproductive. I'm really struggling with the diet, and have a horrid feeling I might have put more weight back on this week, I'll have to wait and see tonight. I really *don't* want to weigh more than I do now in the longer term, even if I'm still not sure whether I really need to lose this one extra half stone that I'm trying to shift. I *like* being officially a healthy weight.

Perhaps it's just because I'm seeing so many relationships fall apart around me, and so many people unhappy and because I've stopped taking the ADs and Richard's feeling down too. If I'm not feeling better by the end of the month I think I'll go back to the docs and try again. And I've given myself another 6 weeks after tonight to either be close to reach 10.5 stones or if it's not working to sticj to 11 stones as my ultimate target instead. Hopefully I can avoid any more really bad weeks like this one has been foodwise. But I do really wish I could make Richard feel better because that would just lift such a weight off my mind. And just not being so tired would help.

  • Current Mood


Putting 2lbs on this week was not a great thing on top of feeling crap already, and if it hadn't been the launch of a new exercise encouraging initiative I'd probably have run away from class instead of staying. I'm glad I did stay though, Fi and Karen were both really lovely at class and made me feel lots better, and then I went back to Simes and E-J's for dinner, which was lovely. I'm not usually a huge fan of tofu but Simes seems to be able to work wonders with it. I'm always impressed at what good food he manages to cook despite all the awkward restrictions in his diet.

Reached the pub in time for a slimline T (sans G) and a cuddle with Jan and rjk and a gossip. Felt much better afterwards, and actually being toasty warm for once probably helped. Going to get straight off to bed now anyway before I make myself even more knackered than I've been all week.

In other news random strangers complimenting me on my hair while looking for win2K soundcard drivers, mum sending me the picture of bush and the one ring, the drunken scot has been offered the job he was interviewing for and is considering moving down here and just seeing the family at weekends, and erm, I think that's it. Didn't manage to beat rjk back from the pub despite a nice turn of speed: obviously some trips are still faster by car. Must adjust brakes though, they've been not quite right since they got all seized up in the snow. And my mudguard's all rattly too.

Trying not to think about the diet and just get on with it, rather than feeling sorry for myself: I may be no longer officially healthy (yeah like bollocks one week's gain is going to really make a difference) but I'm still pretty bloody pleased with the shape I am now, so I should try not to be too bothered about it.