December 19th, 2002


Busy busy

James Bond last night: I'd write a review but Jan's was so good I couldn't beat it.

Meetings and Christmas parties at work today, interspersed with reading bofhnet flamewars. Having my own cousin turn up on bofh.test is pretty weird though. Poor Jan has both Lionel *and* Dave Brown randomly mailing her in response to the thread of doom. Barking.

People round for dinner this evening. Tidied up first, shiny house. Chinese takeaway, mmm, food. I said I was doing badly on sins this week didn't I? I suspect most of it has been so late I've possibly got away with it for this week and it won't show up til next. dressed up for fun, this dress isn't half short. And I keep getting distracted by my own cleavage.

Tired now but don't really want to go to bed. Need to remember to pick up prescription tomorrow. Should have done it today really. Then Christmas parties in the evening. And then one more day of work after that, a day or two of relaxing and then up to Leeds for Christmas. If anyone up there fancies a drink give us a yell.

random thoughts

Strange mood. Slightly weepy and wistful, but mostly happy. Odd combination. Glad to talk to pinkbeast a bit though about old times. I do still miss him sometimes, and you can't help thinking "what if?" but we're both happy where we are now and there's no going back and changing things. There are other regrets back there, boyfriends loved and lost, usually my fault. I miss Matthew too, and regret what happened with Ian terribly still, even it's gradually fading, but I dunno why it's David I miss most. Perhaps because I still see him around, and fall out about things occasionally and giggle on irc and whatever. Constant reminder that he's not there any more, in the way the others aren't so much. I hope we'll always be friends though, and able to look back at the good bits and smile.

Various places talking about poly/mono relationships at the moment, and my head's still all up in the air about stuff. I don't know what I'm happy with or where I want to be. I do know how much Richard means to me though, and that I mean as much to him too. And I love Jan dearly in a way somewhere between that and friendship. Where things will end up in the long run I dunno, but I think I'm happy with stuff as it is at the moment, though the jealousy never goes away completely. Looking to the future with hope and a feeling of content though at the moment.

Odd entry, taken ages to write, trains of thought in the middle of sentences and so on.

Weekly weigh in

This week I gained 3lb: oops. Well that's only the three I lost last week. Need to be more careful I don't put a lot on next week as a result though I guess. Still, a fun little Christmassy party, and now I'm off to another. Not really designed for losing weight is this time of year, but that's OK if you're resigned to it, which I am.

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