November 21st, 2002


Things to do:nice evening:weight

Spent today mostly gradually catching up with Flem! (don't read this at work boys and girls) but unfortunately I now seem to have run out. I will actually have to do useful things tomorrow like go rescue a parcel from the roayl mail depot, be in for Tesco to deliver some shopping, have lunch with Jan and buy more bandages and some big socks in town for Richard and get dressed up and make sin free food for my slimming class's party in the evening.

Just back from a nice evening at Jan's. Wish I could do more to help her feel less stressy about everything. She worried that I'll want more than just cuddles and that she isn't any good as a girlfriend if she's all stressed, but it was nice just to curl up and spend some time with her without having to rush off anywhere or feel like I had to be sociable with anyone else. I think you're lovely anyway sweetheart and I like just being with you, even if you're not the life and soul of the party at the moment. You're definitely not useless to me. *hugs*

We will have to have dinner or something at the beginning of a slimming week sometime though, Wednesdays are no good 'cos I've almost always run out of sins by then. Today I had all of 2 left for a milkshake when I got home. Hopefully I'll have lost some weight this week. If not then I guess I can blame the excesses of last week again. I have 2 more weeks after tonight before it's been a year that I've been going to this class, and it would be kind of nice to reach my target weight by then, but 8 lbs is probably too much to ask for and not a very healthy rate of loss anyway, so I don't think it's a serious aim.

Strange Dreams

I think I must have slept particularly lightly last night, because I had not one but two extremely vivid dreams.

In the first for some reason I was wandering along and saw a sign for a brass band playing and wandered in. Only they were still rehearsing not playing, so I sat and watched for a while and got talking to one of their mums, since it seemed to be a youth band. Mind you they were more singing than playing. And then I started getting teeth falling out. And I put them in my purse to keep them safe and didn't tell anyone and by the time I woke up there were about 6 teeth missing and it was so vivid I had to check I really did still have all my own teeth. Nasty. Definitely a recurring theme in my more nightmareish dreams that one.

The other one seemed to be a bit of an anxiety dream too really, I was trying to write an essay, although it was basically answering a bunch of questions rather than just writing it yourself, reminiscent of French A-level literature papers actually. And the research was reading a bunch of rock magazines with Iron Maiden in, which was odd, and I had to borrow the first one from an old school friend. And I spent the day sitting in coffee shops scribbling. And then I sort of half woke up again and went back to sleep and was dreaming again, but this time I couldn't remember if the whole essay had been a dream or if I still had to write it, and I was trying to find out in kind of roundabout ways, but I still seemed to have all my notes from the previous dream although the magazines had gone. And there was something about wasps and houmous as well which was all a bit strange.

I mean they were both dreams that had the usual dream-world discontinuities in people and place and the usual habit of things being just plain weird, but they both seemed really *real* because they were so vivid, and I seem to have remembered them with more clarity than usual.

Spent 45 mins or so after the alarm went off dosing in bed thinking about stuff like redesigning kitchens and making cakes and how weird said dreams were, and then Tesco arrived early, with a big ego boost as the driver was one we used to see a lot at GR and he remembered Richard and asked how he was doing and things and then more or less went "wow" when I appeared downstairs. I keep forgetting how much different I look, partly I think because my mental image of myself had just never caught up with how fat I was, so I don't seem that much different to me. I'm just me y'know, and it makes me feel weird when people remark on it, and slightly uncomfortable too, cos I feel like I'm getting vain about it. Odd conflicting feelings there.

Weekly weigh in

This week I lost 1lb, but only just, which is slight disappointing given I was really good, but probably that's slightly a hangover from last week. The piece of treacle tart at lunchtime was probably slightly cheating too but I reckon it was worth 10 sins, and I had said to myself I'd have 80 rather than 70 if I needed them. Andrea won Miss Slinky, and looked lovely and definitely deserved it, though apparently I wans't very far behind in the voting. Never mind. Slightly disappointed about that too and cross at myself for it, since I know I shouldn't. And if I go overboard being daft rather than slinky then it's my own fault. Don't feel like cooking. Don't feel like doing much really. Oh well, will endeavour to cheer up again ASAP.

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