September 24th, 2002



Good things

Perdido Street Station (about halfway through), Starcraft, Scrabble, stewed apple. Odd recurrance of the intial S there. Also Richard being lovely despite me being so impossible to cheer up at times.

Bad things

Spent far too much of the day in bed feeling bored and pointless and moping. Need to work on something to do to get me out of that sort of rut. Perhaps some sort of craft-type project. I hate the way Richard is obviously being made unhappy by the state I'm in, but I can't see what to do about that other than to work hard at improving.


Talked to Caroline on the phone this morning, arranged to probably go in tomorrow afternoon and talk to her and James and see where we go from here. She's thinking of ways to try and make my work a bit more structured in order to make me better able to cope with it, get things done, and gain confidence and hopefully become more useful. Not sure if I'll stay and work all tomorrow afternoon or what. Nervous about it, but glad to be doing something instead of letting the world crumble in on top of me. Pills don't seem to be having any horrid side effects or miraculous cures, but it's early days and I wouldn't expect to see either for a while yet.

Hanging on in there, glad not to have an alarm clock set tonight. Hopefully I'll sleep better.

[No longer friends-only]