Eleanor Blair (lnr) wrote,
Eleanor Blair

OK, a real update

I barely seem to have written much at all the last couple of weeks, other than about the books I have read. Partly there hasn't been much to write about. This weekend I've mostly spent in bed reading or sleeping since I've been full of cold, and I haven't been out much in the evenings lately, partly because I've been very tired and partly because Richard has been ill too. On balance though I'm struggling a little at the moment.

Work is gradually wearing me down and making me more and more miserable and I'm doing less and less of it, and despite visits to a psychiatrist, sessions with a counsellor and increasing dosages of ADs things aren't getting better and I can't see how to make them start doing so any time soon. I've been glad to be ill, so as not to have to go into the office, and this is a bad sign. But I'm not feeling hopeless, or not completely. I really *must* make myself go and talk to James about it though. It feels very mucb as though the department is happy to carry on quietly ignoring me while I muddle through as best as I can and I don't think this is going to work. At least I've made a start in telling Paul how I feel. I do wish it could all just go away sometimes.

So I guess that's why I've been so quiet recently. And I'm sorry if I've been not keeping in touch. I miss seeing people a bit, but I'm not terribly good company. I'm very short on small talk at the moment. Curling up with people watching telly or staying curled up on my own with a book are the things that are keeping me going at the moment, even if they're not terribly sociable.

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