Don't like to do this, but public face of me has to be seen to be OK. For Richard's sake and August's sake: neither of them want to know I'm hurt, and for Jan's because it's not fair to talk to her about this stuff and ask her not to talk to August. So out there I'm *not* going to talk about still being in love. I'm not going to talk about missing him horribly. If this is going to work at all it has to be a clean break, and he has to believe I have no doubts. So when I do (and oh god I do) they'll be here, tagged and to a small friends group. If you don't want to read them let me know. Those three can't read this.
Pub tonight. Time to learn whether I can make small talk in public. I'm going to try and keep this sort of post to a minimum though, and try to keep the thoughts that go with it to a minimum too, because I don't think it'll do me much good to dwell on things I can't change, and to keep on nursing a love that might be better to just die so the whole thing can go away.
[NB, much later, oh fuck it, I ended up talking to them all anyway, and I don't like having non-public entries, so this one is now world-readable]